a post in which i keep it very real.

so, as you can tell, i don't quite have this whole blogging and raising 4 kids thing down pat yet.

actually, i may be the worst ever at trying to do both but you know what? it is what it is and i'm ok with that right now  :)

in the last couple of months, since the birth of Camila, the Lord has really opened my eyes to many things that really needed to be worked on in my heart.

i've been tired,

hungry,

overwhelmed,

stressed,

and when you're all of the above you kind of start asking God

what it is He wants you to learn from the situation that you find yourself in. 

and then you have a 

come-to-jesus-moment when you realize that 

you just can't do this alone like you once thought you could.

you can't do it all. you can't keep it all together without help.

ha! the 'old' me would have laughed at that last sentence.

the 'old' me - who was afraid to ask for help {pride? fear?}

who thought she had it all under control and could juggle everything thrown at her.

well, friends, i have been humbled these last couple of months.

there have been times, during an a sleepless all nighter with the baby.. that i've been on my knees - mentally- asking Him for help that night. because i had felt as if i just couldn't get up. one. more.time. to tend to her.

please, God. please let me be patient with her. please, get me through this night

and show me how to calm her and provide her with some comfort. 

are you there, God? 

are you listening? please send help. 

i don't know what else to do.

and then the morning comes and with it comes his merciful answer.

a best friend stops by to hold the baby while i just sit there and zone out or get something done.

another best friend brings me fresh cut camelias from her blooming bush because she knows they make me happy.

friends who send me messages asking how i'm doing and if they could help with anything.

a sister who comes over after her 8 hour work day and brings dinner because she knows i haven't had a chance to make dinner.

another friend who goes to Walmart in search of a white noise machine because babies are suppose to love white noise.

friends who bring me meals every other day for 2 weeks. 

a husband who comes home, dragging his feet & tired eyes - after a 12 hour work shift- and volunteers {every morning} to take the older kids to school. {bless his heart - how i love him}

a mom who picks up my little one from preschool so that i don't have to.

 gestures that restore my confidence, that solidify my 

dependence on Him and that provide hope.

you've heard the saying "it takes a village to raise a child"?

well, my village is made up of strong, compassionate, helpful and loving women who love me and my family.

they are Gods answer to my desperate plea in the middle of the night.

just letting me know that He is there, He is listening and that He will always provide.

I just have to learn to ask.

*****

friends, family and husband... may you know how important you are to me and  how

much i appreciate all that you do for me. you are all such a blessing to me! xoxo

so, i thought you should know...

-my darling little Camila is 6 weeks old this week.

and i just can't believe it. actually, i can believe it.. because i feel like i haven't slept in six weeks.

here's hoping 8 weeks brings us more sleep.

-she has an awful temper when she gets mad.

or when she gets angry

or when she is overly-tired.

- I just registered this little 4 year old cutie in kindergarten and while she's super excited to go to school

i was actually a little sad. 

she's been my side since i had her and now i feel as if she's leaving me. silly, i know.

- welcome to my laundry room.

this is where Camila sleeps during the day. i probably should be really embarrassed to post this picture but i'm not...because as crazy as it sounds, she loves this room! this room sits right next to the kitchen, where i spend most of my time during the day, so i can easily hear her if she stirs. 

i turn on the overheard fan (white noise) and slightly close the door and she's in baby bliss for a couple of hours. 

it's crazy.. my other children were able to sleep anywhere and with whatever background noise was going on at the time.

but not this little cutie. she's more high maintenance, which kinda makes me nervous.

which brings me to my next point.. the 'witching hour'. has anyone ever experienced
that part of the day when your baby just can not be comforted and is cranky and fussy?

well, we are in that phase right now. from 5pm till about 8:30pm Camila is just as cranky as can be.
 poor little girl just wants to go to sleep but there is so much going on around here that she just can't get to sleep. as much as i hold her or rock her some little noise or movement will disrupt her.

here's the thing (and i knew this was gonna be an issue) i can't lock myself in my room with her
and turn off all the lights and run the overhead fan (as much as i would like to). because there are three other little kids downstairs that need me around to help with homework, to be fed, etc.

so that's where i'm at right now. trying to figure out a way to give Camila what she needs (quiet sleep)
while at the same time meeting the needs of the other kids.. and all this needs to be done at the same time.

for now, my sweet mother is going to come over and help me from about 4:30 till bedtime at 7:30pm
during the days my husband is at work.

for now, i just need to breathe deep and remember that this too shall pass.

- her favorite place in the world -- besides the laundry room.

to be held.

by anyone. by someone. all day.

and usually there's always a willing person to be found that could be convinced to hold her.

my darling firstborn up there ^ ^
she is such a wonderful helper and i'm truly so blessed to be her mother.


-i'm slowly getting back into working out again.
my muscles are sore.
my lungs feel like they are gonna burst
but i'm going to keep at it because i know i'll feel better afterwards
even though i feel like just giving up every 10 seconds.

so, that's a little snippet of life over here right now.
it's horribly exciting over here :)

hope you have a wonderful week and please..

enjoy your sleep.
don't ever take it for granted.
:)

settling in.

pictures are from the hospital stay.. had to post these up here before they 
were forever lost in digital heaven.

so, i'm still here.
just barely hanging in there with very little sleep.
it's been a while since i've had a newborn in our house (4 years to be exact).
well, it's funny really, the memory does something tricky when you get older.. it deletes any traumatic or troubling memories more than a year old.
well, at least my memory does because i do NOT remember the newborn phase being this difficult.
i'm sure it was, i just don't remember.

 i'm happy to report that Camila is doing wonderfully well.
she is gaining weight and adjusting well to this new world.
i'd like to think i have a big important role in that.. since she's rarely apart from me {for reals..she's either latched on or near me somewhere}.

the BIGGEST adjustment for me as been with my other three kids.
the mom guilt has settled in my heart.

trying to manage 3 kiddos before Camila was born was always a little tricky.

 they each  needed attention and i always made it a point to devote some individual time to the struggles that each child had at the time. 

for my oldest, it was figuring out how to deal with a clingy classmate.

for #2, it was spending extra time reading and working on his reading/language skills.

for #3 it was working on her social manners {she has none} and working with her so that she could understand the concept of obedience and respect.

and now i have to ask myself if i've asked them how school was that day.
yeah, that's bad.
 i recognize that its just temporary and soon enough {once we settle into a routine} things will get better around here.
but i still feed bad for them :(

so tonight, i count my blessings. even though i'm super tired and not at 100%
i'm grateful for :

-a healthy little girl who i just adore. at night, when i just feel like i just can't hang anymore
i look at her and remind myself that i  had wanted her for so long. and now i've got her. so all this... the no sleep, nursing, etc is ALL worth it.

-friends and family that have pretty much fed my family these last 3 weeks. seriously, i don't
think i've cooked one meal. i'm so incredibly blessed by those that surround me.

- my wonderful husband.  friends, i married an awesome guy.



-instagram.  it's what keeps me from nodding off in the middle of the night while nursing. you'll find me online at 11pm, 1am, 3am, 5:30am. #nursingtimes

*****

signing off for now as i hear Camila starting to wake up.
so pretty much my 5 minutes are up :)

she's finally here {Camila Grace}

She is here.

Camila Grace, born on 12/26/2012.

well, at least she held out till the day after Christmas :) 

she's 6 pounds and 15oz of pure sweetness and adorable-ness.

i'll do another post that include more pictures of her post-birth.

for now, i'm pretty much going to do a photo dump of all my pregnancy pictures.

i'm being selfish really.. because this blog serves as my memory bank.. and posting

here gives me an opportunity to organize my pictures and look back one more time

at this special time.

so, if you'll bear with me... 

a little stroll through the last 9 months...

including my 'fruit' picture project. sadly, i was only able to photograph up to 24 weeks (baby was size of an ear of corn)... i wish i had completed it all the way through but life got really busy. but i'm super grateful that i was able to document so much of this pregnancy. i'm grateful that my husband was willing to humor me and 

take my pictures as i requested it (as vain and silly as it sounded).

because, this is it folks. 

no more little ones for me (us).. i finally feel as if our little family is complete.

it's so hard to explain it but that's the truth. does that sound strange? 

and friends, know that i would have labeled these pictures for you if i had any more energy left in this little old 

body of mine. but, alas, i do not. 

i'm running on 3-4 hours of sleep every night and it's taken me about 3 days just to collect and organize these pictures up on here. this little girl is draining me dry.. she's so lucky she's so darn cute!! (wink) :)

{my picture collection from Instagram. some posted on IG, some not posted}

all of these pictures have a special memory attached.

this first picture (red lipstick).. I took right after my 12 week appointment. 

an appointment where i wasn't sure if we were going to hear a little heart beat or not.

i had mentally prepared myself for the worst.

and it is in my weakest and most vulnerable moments that God has chosen to reveal his infinite mercy and love in my life. this was on of those moments.

and 9 months later.. my little reward! :)

once again, thank you so much for your thoughts and prayers throughout this time.

i can't tell you what a blessing your words and comments of encouragement have been to me!

hugs to you all, 

p.s. and what's this about it being 2013 already??  

remember that time...

that i didn't have counter tops? we had decided to change our kitchen up a little bit.. well, actually,

for us it was a dramatic change. we wanted to get rid of the old tile on our counter tops (i really, really don't like tile because of the cleaning involved with grout. horrible) and put in a new sink and faucet. that's pretty much the extent of the 'remodel' we can afford nowadays with 3 kids and one on the way. 

so our plan was to get it done during Thanksgiving.

but before Christmas

and before this little baby came along.

i know, right? 

crazy to the hundredth degree.

but it was now or never.

the 'before' picture in the demolition phase.

a couple of things to note: 

those are all dirty dishes in the sink

that is my donut on the counter top - boston creme pie. i craved it for one week straight.

i like a really bright white spaces. it feels 'clean' to me - even when there are dishes all over the place.

and there are always dishes all over the place.

there was tile dust everywhere for dayyssssss.

and here's the 'after' - the white sparkly counter tops are in, a new back splash, a new (really, really deep) sink and faucet.

and for the record.. it most likely will never, ever be this clean again.

i'm so glad i took a picture and documented this moment in our life :)

this couldn't have come together so quickly if it wasn't for my husband. 

bless his big heart.. he worked so hard to have our kitchen ready for us by the time we (the kids and I) arrived back from our Thanksgiving travels. 

he spent Thanksgiving alone, not only because he had to work but because he wanted to make sure

as much work was done before we arrived back home. 

and this is a guy who has never, in his life, worked on a back splash before.. but he somehow managed to pick up some crazy back-splash-tile skills and complete it all by himself.

i don't know about you but i find that awfully attractive and awesome :)

ok, now i will confess... i thought maybe, just maybe.. i would enjoy cooking a little bit more now that i

had a whole new 'space'. but sadly, it's just not the case. 

i cook because i have to feed myself and the little people in this house.. but it's still not 

the most exciting time of my day :(

*******

i hope you have a wonderful weekend! i'm pretty much done with 

my Christmas shopping (thanktheLord).. I can't imagine going out shopping this weekend.

the stores are going to be crazy with last minute shoppers and i want to stay far away from all that.

on another note, the baby bag is packed and baby clothes are washed and put away.

i'm working on packing up the hospital bag this weekend.

i'm coming up on 39 weeks now and still can't quite believe that we'll have a baby soon.

somebody pinch me please, is this really happening?? :)